||[Feb. 15th, 2013|03:12 pm]
Last night, for Valentine's Day, we went out to dinner at a restaurant we like. We had to wait perhaps 45 minutes while people who had, you know, made reservations were seated. (I feel that this is really cheating – which may be the very attitude that killed Scott.) The dinner was not the best we've had from their kitchen, but was perfectly nice, considering the crush.|
Sadly, though I had been eyeing platters of it going by all the time I was waiting, they had run out of the rack of lamb just before we ordered. This, this was sad.
Here's my point, as if I had one. We ordered drinks. Mrs. P had a Cosmopolitan, her go-to tipple. I ordered a martini, two olives. (I like olives.)
Every time I order a martini, I understand why the children drink candy bars out of martini glasses. They want the cool of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin sipping gin in black-and-white, but they don't want the adult taste of the actual drink. Coddled and indulged all their lives, the modern children want sugar with alcohol in it. They order Marsbartinis and Hersheystinis and S'Morestinis, and tell each other that they're drinking drinks. They're not. Putting "tini" on the end of a candy bar, and drinking it out of a classic glass, does not make dessert a martini. Your dog can have puppies in the oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits. I understand why the children drink candy, but that doesn't mean I approve. They're just lying to themselves and each other.
(If I want a sugary drink, something dessert-like, I'll order an Old-Fashioned. It has a muddled cherry in it.)
This brings me to Zoidberg.
I was watching a Futurama the other night. Zoidberg had gotten hold of some money and ended up in Las Vegas. he was playing roulette (which, his being Zoidberg, ended badly.) He ordered "Vodka with a sardine in it! Vodka with a sardine in it for everyone!" Asked what he was doing, he replied "Having fun, and a sardini".
I'm not sure I could market a Sardini. Not even if you made it with an anchovy. It's a hard sell, and it's a hard sell because it's branded wrong. You need to have a name that suggests the romance and mystery of the sea, without reminding people there's a fish in their drink.
So – may I interest you in a Mer-tini? In fact – Mertinis for everyone! Bottoms up!
I chuckled at the word "sardini". (I'm easily amused sometimes.)
I've never heard of kids drinking a candy bar out of a martini glass. Is this a new thing?
New-ish. Concoctions of sugary cordials and cream, and not a drop of honest gin in it. Maybe a little flavored vodka -- usually vanilla. (I made the Marsbartini up, I'm afraid. And the Milkywaytini.)
As a bartender I made bank selling candytinis to sub-yuppies and hipsters, so my feelings about them are mixed. (Get it? Mixed?) On the one hand I'm a traditionalist like you, but on the other hand I could charge as much if not more for a candytini than for a top shelf martini even though the candytini ingredients are cheap, so the margin on them is just too good to pass up. Dust a little fresh spice on the top (fresh nutmeg, fresh cinnamon, dark cocoa powder, etc) and they think they're getting something gourmet even though it's the liquor equivalent of Boone's Farm. They bring in good tips too.
ETA: You always struck me as a sidecar man, rather than an old-fashioned. My bartender-sense must be faded. :)
Edited at 2013-02-15 08:35 pm (UTC)
Oh, they're certainly fair prey to anyone who wants to sell them their kindergarten tipples. If they're stupid enough to give you money, you should be happy to take it. I was, note, discussing how to market a sardini.
Sidecar? *googles* Sounds possible -- I'll have to try one. Though it sounds a little sweet as well...
I'd drink single-malt and straight bourbon if my fraking digestion could still stand up to them. *sigh*
Oh, the sidecar is a fine, fine thing.
The Unindicted Co-Conspirator and I are sadly under the weather. We had to settle for soft-scrambled eggs and toast for Valentine's Day dinner, with the promise of a rain check.
Your post reminded me of something awful I drank when I was 18 or 19. (Actually, I drank a lot of awful things back then.) Do you remember Cows? I seem to recall a Chocolate Cow and a Strawberry Cow and a Banana Cow. Basically, it was kind of a milkshake premixed with grain alcohol in a bottle. Definitely a kid's drink, and one that provided some of the worst hangovers I ever suffered.
I was also introduced to Amoretto at that time, which is one of the few alcoholic beverages that I got so sick on, I could never face it again. I don't even like marzipan anymore.
It wasn't until I was older and wiser (22 or so) that I discovered the martini. Back when we were dating, the Penultimate Wife and I used to join the sophisticated set after work at a trendy after-work bistro on Boyleston and have a martini or two. Trés chic, non?
I completely lost it when I read the statement which starts with, "Your dog may have puppies in the oven," etc.
I love everything about this post. Absolutely everything.
I agree with you on the -tini craze. Drink what you please, but don't call it something it's not.
I feel that this is really cheating – which may be the very attitude that killed Scott.
Hahahah! Good one.
I do not approve of flavored vodka. The whole point of vodka is that it has no flavor. ::sigh::