|The Professor Is Indolent, But Shares
||[Feb. 20th, 2013|05:05 pm]
I find myself wearing comic underwear.
It so happens that every time I've scheduled in a laundry run, we've had snow. By now we're something like a month past our usual target point. I did a fast late-night run with a small wife laundry, so she isn’t out yet, but things are starting to get tight.
They are not, at least for me, absolutely tight yet. This is because I never throw anything away. This morning I put on my last ironed shirt, but there are several dozen clean ones waiting to be ironed. I still have two or three dozen pairs of socks, though I'm getting into the old and tired ones. I still have a week or so worth of facecloths. And I still have one stack of underdrawers.
As mentioned, I never throw anything away – not until it's nearly inevitable, at least. I finally let a good white shirt go because there was a tear halfway up the back, and it would be silly, at this point, to patch it. (Patching dress shirts is a low-benefit game, anyway, because by that stage they're pretty fragile and just fail somewhere else.) I most especially don't throw away underwear just because it's experienced.
Dave Barry put it best, in his guyness inventory.
Q: When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
a. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
b. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
c. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody--and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife--is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.
It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. This is an important standard. (To be fair, my wife does not unilaterally throw anything of mine away. In exchange, when she suggests that something is ready to go, I will discuss and consider it, and sometimes I will accede.)
Thus, after months of not doing laundry, I still have underwear left. However.
When I got dressed this morning, I discovered, to my disconcertion, that what I have left is pairs of boxer briefs. I must have bought them by mistake before I got married, and, of course, I never throw anything away. But I rarely wear them, so they're still in pretty good shape. Yet, they're boxer briefs, the most humorous underpants this side of a union suit with a flap door bottom.
OK, this is really oversharing, though of course I'm still not going to demonstrate them. But this means I really need to do laundry this weekend. But this weekend is now forecast for another foot or so of snow, so I'm not going anywhere. But I do have a good week's worth of amusing underwear.
Lord, First World problems, bearing in mind that we no longer have a washer or a drier, or a place to put them.